Tuesday, March 1st, 2011. Today is the day that I have been anticipating for so long, first I couldn't wait for it, then I dreaded it with everything in me, then I couldn't wait for it, and then, I began dreading it again. But here it is, and in exactly twenty four hours, I will be sitting on an airplane that will take me from Africa back to America, with my six suitcases all checked away and millions of wonderful times behind me.

It's funny, looking back at my first month here and how all I wanted to do was to give it all up, to go home, to go back to college and all of the things that I left behind, and even throughout my DTS, there were definitely times that I thought I'd made the wrong decision in coming here, that I would have been so much better off staying home, that what I'd gained was not nearly enough to compensate for what I'd lost. But now, on the eve of my departure, I can say without a doubt that coming to Africa was the best thing that I've ever done with my life, and my only regret is that I have to leave so soon. I've spent the past week looking for some loophole, any loophole, that would allow me to stay, but there are none, and unless God puts a very blatant and un-crossable roadblock in my path tomorrow, I'll be back in America within forty eight hours. I can't say that I feel total peace about going home, even during my quiet times when I've been begging for peace and clarity, I haven't really had any resolution on the matter, but at this point, I'm okay with that. My faith in God is such that, if it's really not the time for me to go then He will keep me here, and otherwise, He will pave the way for whatever my next path is.

Tonight was the best possible send-off that I could ever have asked for. I spent the majority of today stressing, preparing, and packing, and moping around Africa doing the whole "this is the last time I'll ever...", so that by the time I finally got back to the base, I was in a terrible mood, and slinked off to my room for a pity party, and when Lucy had to go off to take care of some things, I felt even worse, and very nearly called it a night and went to sleep at seven, until Joe came knocking on my door to ask if I wanted to go for a walk. I was so happy to have someone to hang out with, so I happily went along with him to Dr. Tim's to get medicine for his stomach. Only, when we got there, Dr. Tim wasn't there, but everyone else from the base was, and they all jumped out and yelled "surprise" and apparently, Lucy had been planning this all day. It was more wonderful than I could have ever hoped for, we drank tea and ate cake and everyone spoke and then I had to get up and awkwardly speak while trying with everything in me not to start sobbing, and then when everyone else left, a few of us sat around and talked about all the fun times we'd had, and just how amazing everything here had been. It was an absolutely perfect night, and it meant more to me than I can ever express to hear these people, all of whom I've grown to love so much, give me such kind words and encouragements. I wish I could have adequately described to each individual in that room how much they've meant to me over the past six months, but I couldn't then and still probably couldn't now if I tried, there's just too much to it all, maybe in another six months I'll be able to fully grasp the impact that everything and everyone here has had on me, but for now it just seems to immense to even think about.

At some point in the near future, I want to write some beautiful, retrospective kthing about how much these past six months have meant to me, and everything they've taught me, and just how incredibly blessed I've been by every single second I've had in this place, but for now it's late and my eyes are starting to hurt and I'm typing too loudly, I'm worried that I'll wake everyone else up, and even though my sheets are packed away, it's still my last night in this bed, my last night in a mosquito net for a very long time, the last time I'll fall asleep to rats in the ceiling or sheep outside the window or bugs buzzing in my ear or people speaking Lugandan in their sleep, and while all of these things are something I would have hated so many months ago, they now feel like home, and I want to enjoy every single moment I have left of it.